


Stop Thinking

by xXxSorryBabyxXx (MattedZamo)



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Sex in the Dark, Smut, Some Fluff, and some light ass angst, but they're gay so they can see what's up, eve's first time with a woman lol, eves on a timeout of sorts but again they're gay so that means nothing, if you blink you miss it kind of angst, porn with like a paperthin plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:27:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22856242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MattedZamo/pseuds/xXxSorryBabyxXx
Summary: Eve moved her hands from her sides, before raising them and placing them gently on either side of Villanelle's skinny little neck.“Eve. Don’t.”“And why? Tell me why I shouldn’t squeeze.”“Because I might come if you do.”-Nighttime is meant for deep thoughts, weird dreams, and of course, sex with the woman you're trying to get. (Again)
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 7
Kudos: 168





	Stop Thinking

**Author's Note:**

> ;)

Exhaustion had yet to claim Eve’s body as she walked through the door, but she knew that wouldn’t be the case for very long. She didn’t care enough to want to revisit how her day went anyway, mostly because it was tiring and unnecessary. 

It also didn’t matter. 

Villanelle had been gone for six weeks now, as Kenny had taken it upon himself to have a timer on that. 

Her team, embarrassingly enough, had been tasked to keep a track on all her movements, and since one of them seemed to be to pop up at Eve’s home, it also meant that her house was under surveillance as well. Kenny had asked why she had returned home late the other day. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that she had spent nearly half an hour arguing with the shopkeep as to why he didn’t have any blueberry swirl ice cream- something she’s never really done before.

She supposed that was a side effect of Villanelle barging into her life, she seeped her way into other aspects, and changed them, turned the direction so that it wasn’t the way it was before she entered your life. 

Eve craved more, wanted, needed, _demanded_ more. She had to have everything she wanted, and the question of whether or not it made sense was one that often went unanswered. Because the answer was already known, and it wasn’t that, of course, it wasn’t necessary, it was because the sole purpose of it was just another chance, another hope that it could fill whatever void left inside her. 

Two, maybe more, shattered relationships in the span of a couple of years when beforehand, all relationships had been stable, solid and complete. Fulfilment was a word whose very definition had been corrupted and deemed null and void. The things, the people, the monotony of life that once meant everything to her were pulled from her very feet, leaving her spiralling to a dark abyss that only held the true unexplainable chaos that only comes from a life in which Villanelle controls it effortlessly. 

She was being dramatic. 

Nighttime brought solace since returning home than it had before. It was surreal, that moment when she exits the bathroom after her shower, when all sound had ceased in her home, and she could sit down and do nothing without the weight of expectations on her back. And so she sat, looking around, picking up what few things her sight could catch. Maybe she needed a pet, a cat perhaps. She threw her towel on the ground and climbed under the covers, falling asleep to the thought of the perfect name of her future cat. 

_She was a French maid._

_Gross._

_The outfit was more revealing, even without being able to see it; she felt a breeze on her bare rear. She was in an empty room, but she wasn’t alone, she knew it. The noise sounded like the typical soundtrack of a tropical rainforest; full of life, full of humidity. The base of her ring finger was cold, as if a ring was on it, but when she checked it, there was nothing there._

_She stood in the middle of the room as if she were waiting for something to happen, she was just unsure as to what it was supposed to be. The room grew still and quiet._

_Someone’s shoes were stepping lightly behind her, but she was unable to turn around. A deep wind came, almost knocking her down and with it came the call of her name “Eve.”_

_And it happened again._

_And again._

_And again._

_Before she was grabbed and shook._

“Eve!” 

“Mhmagfh.” Comprehension wasn’t Eve’s strongest suit, but it was even worse still when she was more asleep than awake. “Ok-” her mouth was covered by Villanelle’s, interrupting whatever thoughts she had. 

“Hello, gorgeous.” 

Her smile. It shone brightly in the darkroom, and her eyes were brighter still. Her hands weren’t on her body, at least not yet, but that didn’t seem to stop Eve from wanting them to be. Through Villanelle’s clothes and her blanket, she could feel the other woman’s heat radiate, unfiltered in strength, hitting her and covering her completely. 

She moved her hands from her sides, before raising them and placing them gently on either side of her skinny little neck. 

“Eve. Don’t.”

“And why? Tell me why I shouldn’t _squeeze_.”

“Because I might come if you do.” 

Her answer made all air escape her lungs, and her fingers twitched in an anxious response. In reality, she had only _seen_ women being choked in porn, but she’s never experienced it herself; she never had the balls to ask to choke nor be choked. 

They stared at each other for an awfully long time, but it was Villanelle who made the first move. She moved her hand, delicately placing it on top of where both of Eve’s thumbs rested in the centre of her neck, pressing against it. Eve had been the one to gasp, and Villanelle took it as a sign to go further. “Eve, I-”

“V, I can’t give you what you want. Not anymore.”

“Then give me what I _need_ , please.”

E moved her hands from where they were, opting instead to use them to support her as she sat upright. They were almost close to kissing each other, that’s how close they were. She could smell the cinnamon gum scent coming from the woman. “Then. Tell me what you need.”

“You,” Villanelle responded without a second passing between simply because she _needed_ her could absolutely mean much more than just the two of them having sex.

But with the endless realm of possibilities, the odds were truly in her favour. 

After sex, she could probably be persuaded to run away with Villanelle to wherever she wanted to go, no strings or conditions attached. She could be murdered then, or maybe right after they do it, she could be killed, or maybe even during the middle of it, as a way for Villanelle to get off. Or maybe she won’t be killed off, and she could live the rest of her days with the woman, pretending she didn’t just uproot her entire life at the age of 40 and ignoring the horrid psychological repercussions of that. Or maybe- “stop thinking.”

“What?”

“Just,” Villanelle leaned closer, “stop,” her lips grazed Eve’s, “thinking,” and Eve was the one to kiss first, doing it just as Villanelle had said -without thinking.

~

There was a point and time in Eve’s life where she felt cheated that she wasn’t more sexually _adventurous_. She had felt that need all throughout university, and the need only intensified while being married to Nico. But eventually, she had to accept that that would never be her life and had tucked the need away in a safe little corner of her mind. She regularly fed it porn and sated it with plenty of masturbation. It would never be enough, she knew that, but she was expectant that her next life would do her justice. 

She had _things_ with women before settling with men; kissing and touching, making out and teasing. She could never let herself go enough to have actual sex with them, always fearing that she’d get so overwhelmed with the experience she’ll never be okay. She had the fear she’d just turn into one of those men who could see the value of women by the sex they gave -except as a woman. 

So she supposed she missed out.

She knew, in reality, she was torturing no one else but herself. Whenever she watched her _videos_ it was always amateur lesbians, when she made love, to finish she’d think of her current female crush and when she was annoyed with Nico and he would hold her hand, she tried her best to imagine it was a woman holding her hand instead. 

Once Villanelle entered her life and she made the awful mistake of letting herself get absolutely consumed by the woman, all scenarios were replaced with her. Whose hands was she holding? Villanelle. Who was she dancing with in the early morning during breakfast? Villanelle. Who was she laughing with before stopping and looking at with care in her heart? Villanelle. Whose lips was she kissing morning, noon and night? Villanelles. Who was making her come until she couldn’t handle even the softest touch? Villa-fucking-nelle.

There was no relief. 

Until now, she guessed, when Villanelle was kissing her so gently, while laying her back on the bed, softly caressing parts of her body her hands could reach, fulfilling Eve’s wish of being touched. She let Villanelle take charge, trusting that she knew what she was doing, trusting that she would have all her sexual needs met, _and then some_. It’s not that she didn’t trust her own needs, she certainly had her own, but she knew she’d just end up overthinking, and she didn’t know how much time they had together. 

There wasn’t any shame in confirming her consent, but there was no need for it either, she had handed herself over to the other woman long ago, and even if she hadn’t it wouldn’t matter all that much; Villanelle liked taking the finer things in life, and in her eyes, Eve was as fine of a luxury as a rare gem that could only be bought at the right price. 

Kisses peppered her neck, and she gasped with each one, before swallowing her long groan as the tip of Villanelle’s tongue traced the path her kisses had made. She grasped the fabric under her hand, but the moment was short-lived before Villanelle lifted her head, searching and finding her eyes in the near dark. 

“What,” she whispered, growing a little more nervous as Villanelle simply held her gaze.

“Why do you do that? Why do you hide your pleasure?” She nuzzled close to Eve’s neck before kissing her again. “Let me hear you, that’s why I want to make you feel good.”

“Okay,” she sighed, finally letting that last piece of apprehension go.

~

Watching Villanelle undress was surprisingly sensual, and she wasn’t sure if it was because that was done on purpose, or if her horniness was sincerely messing with her head. She wanted to run her hands all over her body, wanted to touch every part of her. In all honesty, it wasn’t just to turn her on, but also just to know what that body would feel like under her fingertips. Of course, she wanted to know what had to be done to hear her gasp and moan, maybe even scream, as she’s heard was possible, but all that ran through her head was what did her skin feel like? Her hands and cheeks were soft and supple, but what of her shoulders, back, thighs, stomach, arms? 

Villanelle chuckled from where she stood, proud and naked, looking down at an Eve who was still under the clothes, resting on her side. “You’re thinking again.”

“Does it matter if all I’m thinking about is you?”

Villanelle sniggered before inviting herself under the covers and closing the distance between them, “don’t you get tired of that?” 

Eve played with the ends of Villanelle’s hair that had landed on top of her breasts, letting the strands mingle with her fingers, “I do. But nothing else has yet to capture my attention like you have.”

Villanelle smirked, and as Eve rolled her eyes, she felt her lips being kissed and she kept her eyes closed to kiss back, letting the woman roll place herself above her, effectively pinning her down. She leaned her mouth close to Eve’s ear, lightly biting the lobe, before whispering “open” and Eve readily complied, opening her legs wide so each leg was on either side of Villanelle. 

She didn’t watch as Villanelle kissed her way down but started to as her lips wrapped around her nipple, and her body responded by pushing her chest further into her mouth. Her hands hovered above Villanelle’s head, unsure if she wanted to be touched as she went on, but Villanelle responded by reaching up and placing her hands on her head for her, and Eve readily tangled them in her hair. She didn’t control her actions, not in any way, but let it be a further encouragement as she sucked and nipped her other nipple, before continuing to her mound. She was slightly embarrassed that she hadn’t shaved or even trimmed in quite some time, but the embarrassment went away when a kiss was placed on her mound. Her pelvis jerked upward with the kiss and both women chuckled. 

With the tension slightly cut, Villanelle sat up, placing one hand on Eve’s thigh, as if to steady her, and slowly sucked her own middle finger, never taking her eyes off of Eve’s. Eve’s breath grew ragged as the show went on, and she watched the wet finger before it disappeared from her view. Her body reacted again as the finger was pressed inside her, and she had to take calming breaths to centre herself. “More,” she begged, lightly, and Villanelle told her she would, soon. 

With the finger still in her, they managed to shift so that they laid facing each other, Eve’s leg propped on up on Villanelle’s hip. 

She wanted to close her eyes, as if to filter out some of the raw intimacy of the situation, but she couldn’t, because she also found herself needing it all, needing Villanelle watching her every reaction. A second finger was added, as well as V’s thumb circling her clit, and she moaned properly than, pressing her body seemingly impossibly closer to V, clutching her forearm in a death grip. 

“There you go baby, just like that.” V breathed into her, all around her, and she had no time to breathe before a mind-shattering orgasm overtook her, V’s voice consuming her even more than ever before all the while her fingers worked hard to fling her over the edge. 

~

Taking a breather, Eve felt uncomfortably safe cuddled up in Villanelle’s arms. But it was warm, steady, strong. Her leg was in between V’s and she stretched, her muscles tensing slightly from her stoic nature. Villanelle gasped and twitched, and Eve stopped mid-stretch to watch her face. 

“Do you want me-”

“Yes,” Villanelle answered before Eve could reach the end of her question, her voice flat and her face still. “Just,” she shook her head slightly side to side as she tried to gather her words together, “do to me what you like getting done to yourself.”

 _But I don’t know what I like getting done to myself._ She liked being fingered, she liked that very much, but the only other thing she liked besides was- “can I eat you out?”

“What?” 

“Uh, going down on you. Can I?”

“Oh. Yeah.” She was shifting before she could finish telling Eve to do so, and Eve couldn’t help the small smile that formed on her lips. 

Going down on Villanelle was-

She didn’t want to say it was a blessing, or a gift, or that she was able to drink the world’s greatest form of nectar, or that she was a mere peasant in comparison to the goddess beholding her. 

But what she could say was that it was slightly tricky. 

She had always assumed that eating out meant just _that_ , and that dipping her tongue was suffice, but making her tongue stretch that far kept hurting the poor, underused muscle, and she had to resort to wrapping her lips around Villanelle’s clit, only to learn that _that_ was what garnered the most impressive reaction she’s ever gotten from her. 

Villanelle tangled her hands deep in Eve’s hair, as she had done to the woman some time ago, pushing her further and deeper into her, all the while rolling her hips. She kept cursing in her mother tongue, a series of _Вот дерьмо_ ! and _О Боже_ and _Блядь_ ’s left her lips without much pattern, and it filled Eve to the brim with pride that she, _she_ , was able to do that to an assassin the world was looking for. 

She was happy to keep going, enjoying the taste of Villanelle and the sensation of her hands in her hair and the sounds of her moaning. She knew she could keep at it and let her mind wander, but instead, she chose to focus on the fact that this could very well be the last time she did anything like this, and it only pushed her to give it her all. When she came, she did what Villanelle had done to her, only instead latched onto her clit and vigorously flicked her tongue before searching for the nub under the hood and attacking it with the tip of her tongue, causing V to let out high pitched shrieks and her hips bounced around. She revelled in the sights and the sounds, in the way that Villanelle seemed to push her deeper as if she wanted Eve in her very core of herself, perhaps just that one time, or maybe to stay there for the rest of her life. It’d be the second time that night she could see herself very easily be persuaded to stay with Villanelle until her own demise, however timely or untimely it may be. 

She let Villanelle breathe, resting her head on her thigh, and watched as Villanelle’s breathing evened out. She wished more light was available to them, so she could see what her _hmm_ , vagina, looked like. She’s heard of ‘seen one, seen them all’, but she knew that was far from the case with her woman- with Villanelle.

“Eve. Sit up.” Villanelle waited for Eve to do so before giving her more instructions. “You can put a finger in me. Be gentle.” 

She hesitated, but for that moment only, she had to. She saw Villanelle’s hair encapsulate her face softly as if an angel depicted in art museums. Her chest rose and fell deeply and dramatically, and Villanelle kept an arm wrapped around her ribs, while her other hand had replaced where Eve had had her head resting on her thigh. She nodded once, mostly to herself, and slowly moved her hand to where she had been not even ten minutes before.

~

Villanelle knew that she was being watched from whatever subdivision team had come from MI6, it was part of the reason why many women in Amsterdam had been getting paid _very_ handsomely. But a part of her knew that wasn’t the main reason why. She missed Eve, missed how soft she looked, how easily she could imagine doing extraordinary things to that body, and oh that _hair_. 

Since she first noticed her surveillance, she began plotting how exactly she’d get access to not just London, but more specifically Eve’s house. The question wasn’t more of was the house being watched as well, or would Eve even be there when the day arrived, but would she cause such a scene that the neighbours would have no other choice _but_ to call the police, therefore alerting MI6. 

She hardly believed in luck, but it was on her side when she found Eve tucked in bed already, snoring away. It was even more of a nice surprise to find she was already perfectly naked. 

It was need that drove her; the need to feel, to be felt, to have close the one other person in the entire world that was just like her. Personally, she didn’t think it possible or even feasible to have a woman -who was _very_ interested in other women- not have any experience in having sex with women. But here Eve was, her special little exception, hesitating between her legs. She was patient, she knew how to wait, but tonight they were far from being afforded the opportunity. In her need to find her, to have her, she found the centre cord that gave power to the four cameras pointing to and around Eve’s home, and temporarily disabled it, giving herself a two-minute window to enter undetected. She didn’t when the camera roll would be played back, or if there was anyone that would have caught that, but she was giving herself until dawn before she had to leave, while there was still a large enough cloak of darkness to help her. 

She wondered if Eve would miss her, would need her too. 

Eve, slowly, put a finger in her, and she sighed sweetly. Her eyes fluttered closed as Eve pumped in and out of her at a slow steady pace, and she gasped when Eve inserted a second finger. At the pace they were going, she would probably have to leave before she -”oh, ah,” she involuntarily responded when a third finger was wiggled into her pussy, and her fingers dug into her thigh when Eve started pressing her thumb on her clit. She gradually began to pick up the pace, and Villanelle could feel an orgasm building, but the feeling halted when Eve shifted, and right as she opened her eyes to see why, her hand was back on her throat, squeezing slightly. Her whole body twitched as a reaction, and she fought to not come, but she was never the one to deny herself that, and found it impossible to do. _Think of Carolyn!_ Oh, but Carolyn fulfilled that small part of her that just wanted and wished any woman could boss her around effortlessly. Fuck, oh _think of Konstantin!_

Orgasm thankfully staved. 

“Squeeze, more.” 

And Eve did. 

And Eve raised her body above hers, looking down upon her with the face that told her that she _was_ upset, that _was_ pissed off, that she _was_ going to get even if it meant the last breath in her being would go to that. And she _squeezed_ , squeezed to the point where Villanelle knew that there would be five perfectly placed fingertip-sized bruises imprinted on the skin of her neck, in the blueprint of her _DNA_ , for as long as she allowed it. Her fingers thrust deeply into her, pounding her to the point where the mattress was beginning to squeak with each pound. She heard moans, she heard little squeaks and sighs, but they couldn’t come from her, because she never sounded like that in her life. 

“Of course you’d like this,” Eve said harshly in her ear, pouring more weight from her elbow into her hand, and Villanelle’s hips rose up for more entry, just for _more_ , and Eve delivered without further questioning. The building of her orgasm came with an intense pressure that she hadn’t in a while, if not ever, and in exchange of watching Eve angrily fuck her, she instead screwed her eyes shut, and her back curved upwards, driving her head back into the pillows, as a rush went through her, stealing the air from her lungs and flooding every nerve ending with energy. 

“Oh _Eve_.”

~

Watching Villanelle come was-

20 minutes had passed, almost all silent, and they were cuddling close like she and Nico had done before after passionate sex in the beginning of their relationship. Villanelle was drawing shapes and figures on her back, and her breathing had returned to normal. She was still mentally debating if she had came when V did. 

One thing that was not up for debate was the fact that V would very much have to leave soon. She wasn’t sure how she managed to sneak in, given that there wasn’t anyone trying to break down her door after she had been in Eve’s house for so long, she could only assume that V snuck in. 

She’d miss her. 

But there was nothing there for her, there was no hope in a relationship of any kind. 

“I-”

“You-”

The women laughed as they realized they had started talking at the same time, and Eve told Villanelle that she could go first. 

“I have to go soon.” 

“I know. That’s what I was trying to tell you.”

But neither women flinched to move. 

In her head, Eve began picking up the pieces of the night, wondering where she would store the memory and having made Villanelle come. She put it under ‘priority’. She’s sure the day would come where she would need to bury it, but until her life made sense again, she didn’t bother trying. 

~

Calmer than she had felt in weeks, Eve walked into the office with her bun high on her head and her chin held higher. She greeted everyone with a _good morning_ before plopping herself down and booting up her computer. She took a sip of her low-fat coffee she had ordered from the expensive shop down the street and she was plotting out how to deposit the thousand pounds V left on her nightstand while Eve was showering. 

She knew for sure she wanted a new pair of headphones.

“Eve.”

“Kenny.”

“Did you know the cameras to your house was cut for two minutes?” He looked upset with her as if she knew more about technology than he did. 

“What happened to them?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Oh.” A sip. “I don’t know either. Are they working again?”

“Yeah.” Kenny crossed, uncrossed and then recrossed his arms.

“Maybe put them in a tougher casing?” Another sip.

Kenny huffed and walked away. 

When he reached his desk, an email came across her computer screen from an unknown address. The only message it contained was **;)**.

Eve smiled against the lip of her coffee cup.

**Author's Note:**

> l̶e̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶c̶o̶m̶m̶e̶n̶t̶,̶ ̶m̶a̶y̶h̶a̶p̶s̶?̶  
> Translations!  
> Вот дерьмо - oh shit!  
> О Боже - oh god!  
> Блядь - fuck


End file.
